Cornwall 2004

Avoid Newquay like the plague. During the day its full of topless red skinned youths. During the evenings its full of drunken topless red skinned youths.

Newquay must be the toilet of Cornwall and the people are'nt very friendly either. I had to ask in a sweet shop where the bus station was only to be told there was'nt one. On leaving the shop I discovered it was next door. They advertise 'Jamaica Inn' all over town but no buses go there!

The hotel made a big thing about its 'lift to the beach' but never worked once when I was there..

The 'traditional Cornish pasty' appears to come in all sorts of flavours except traditional!

Padstow - Now this is a nice place except that the bars appear to be populated by racists....

Scilly Isles - Pleasant enough but the food left something to be desired. I had a lasagne in a bar and it was probably the worst lasagne I have ever had.

Cornwall 2005

I decided this year to do part of the south West Coast Walk. From St Ives to Penzance. so this particular section is dedicated to my adventures and mishaps on that walk.....

This section starts from a beach in St Ives and is tarmac'd. No problem I thought, piece of cake. then within 20 minutes I am climbing over rocks, avoiding and stepping into bogs. This goes on for nearly 2 hours! Not only that but the coves are extremely steep!

Rather feebly I 'climb' down the rocks and back up again to the other side. But I first make sure there is no one within a mile either side of me. If there is I let them pass with th eexcuse I am admiring the view.

After 4 hours I draw out the map to see how far I am from my destination (Zennor) and it is with dismay that I see that I am nearer St Ives then I am to Zennor. But I do notice that there is footpath that leads off to a main road 2 miles over fields. what should I do? no question.... an hour and a half later I'm Zennor bound on a rickety old bus....

I settle into the Tinners Arms and after my fourth (or maybe fifth) Stella I'm studying the map and in walks in a couple who passed me on the walk.

"How did you get here so fast!!" the woman exclaimed.

Not wanting to reveal that I cheated I found myself saying that I took a shortcut.

The next thing I hear is her having a go at her husband for not following this "obviously more experienced walker".

My cue to leave....

From this point on I decide I will do some of the walk on the official path and some on the road. This way I should get a mix of scenery (and of course there are pubs on the road). It is worth pointing that the stiles that dot the paths appear to be, for the most part anyway, not a townies perception of a little wooden thing. Most of them seem to require a skill and are quite steep - you have been warned!

What is it about Cornwall and their food - in my experience it is (almost) universally disgusting!! My advice to anyone wanting to eat in Cornwall is to read the following first:

Dont eat in:

• A certain bed and breakfast in Zennor - Run by hippies and had to have a vegetarian breakfast which consisted of a soya sausage, a square hard thing which resembled a waffle but smelt like cardboard dipped in grease and a fried egg with the consistency of a tennis ball.
  
• A hotel in St Just - Just weird, settled down in restaurant for breakfast, only to be told 'this room is for families only - please go to the next room'. After checking that I did'nt have "PERVERT" stamped on my forehead I settled down to breakfast "in the next room" where we were limited to only one cup of coffee, had to pay 30 pence extra for additional toast and have the smallest breakfast I have ever seen.
  
• Finally a pub in Treen, near Porthcurno. Went to the bar to order food. Bizarrely I was told that I had to go next door to order it. Trundle next door. They ask "whats' the table number?" I trundle back and get number, return to next door, give order and table number, return back to the pub, table now occupied by someone else. I move to another table and keep eye out. Chicken and chips arrive and I explain that I have changed tables. The chicken is excreble, the chips (French fries) are cold and greasy. There is more meat in the ash tray than on my chicken. I decide to leave the meal. The guys at Howard Johnsons in NYC must come here for their training....

Coast to Coast - Easter 2006

Whitby - Pickhill

Start from Whitby - very nice fishing port with lots of character. Can see why its used a lot for 1950s/1960s filming.
Walk from Castleton on moor down to Lion Inn in the middle of Yorkshire Moors. The moors seem to go on for ever. Very very windy and in serious danger of getting blown down to the ravines or in front of traffic. Anyway, reach the Lion Inn after about 6 hours walking.

Nice place but staff not over friendly to say the least.

Following morning decide to bus it to Kirkybymoorside and walk to Thirsk.

Olde World Charm, heart of the Dales, Home of James Herriot - that's the publicity. BUT Thirsk is a dump!!!. Get JH souvenirs and retire to a pub for a much needed drink..

Coup[le of Yorkshire guys start taking p*** out of my London accent:

"Alwight Landan boy!!"
"Cockernee, Cockernee"

Decide to leave drink and walk th ethree/four miles to pub just outside Pickhill. - At this point I am changing pub and hotel names for reasons which will soon become obvious.

Just outside Pickhill there is a pub called The Red Lion. I stroll in there for a drink and sit down with a really cold lager, a red face and a heavy rucksack. One of the guys at the bar looks at me and says in a really broad Yorkie accent "Where ye walked fram mate"
"Today, from Kirkbmoorside" says I.
"Yow most be bloody mad!!" he says.
And for some strange, unfathomable reason I say (rather forcefully):
"Its for charity actually!!!OK!!
The bar goes quiet and the guy I was having a conversation with asks which charity.
Quick as anything and I dont know why I say "Cancer Research"
The guy then walks over and gives me a five pound note "Sorry mate, me old mum died she died of cancer, it a bloody good cause, well done"
The barman then walks over and gives me a tenner and says "well done" two other people give me pound coins and a child gives me some of her pocket money.

I am now in a bit of a fix all they need to do is to ask for some proof and I'm dead!

Hurriedlyt I say can I have a business card because it has to be above board and i will need to send a reciept. Ten minutes later I'm out of there.....

That night it does cross my mind that I could pull this in every pub I go into...

Postscript: I was given a total of £18 after thinking about it i wrote a cheque for Cancer Research upon my arrival back in London.

Pickhill - Grassington

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